Creating a Home

Countless thoughts have been on my mind over the past 2 months that I've been wanting to share. But I've struggled to show up here to speak from a place that feels connected to what's in my heart - one that's been feeling overwhelmed and just going through the motion of each day.

Until today, when I consciously chose to rediscover my rhythm, in this new place I now call home.

It feels so good to be home again ❤️

I hope to continue to share from this place that feels true and safe. Thank you for being here.

----------------------

Today, as I gave myself the permission to sit down and enjoy a simple homemade lunch, I am able to finally take it all in - this place I now call home. One that we’ve been working so hard to create together. A space filled with love and intentions, even when it also took a lot more blood, sweat, tears and backaches than we’ve signed up for.

In this moment, my mind is not worrying about all the work that still needs to be done and the mess that still surrounds every inch of this home; the imperfections of our DIY projects; the endless hidden issues that we are still uncovering each day that comes with an old home. Or even the nagging feeling of possible hidden health risks that may be lurking underneath the surface. I am aware that these are (and will still be) there.

Rather, what I am able to see is a cozy space filled with a collection of what we love that makes this place feels like us.

What I could taste is the nourishing warm soup I made in the kitchen that we’ve painstakingly repaired and make it ours.

What I could hear is the soothing sound of leaves dancing to the breeze in the tree-filled backyard that we fell in love with, announcing the arrival of fall, my favorite season.

What I could smell is the refreshing clean air with a hint of lavender from my diffuser.

What I could touch is the smooth surface of the hardwood floor we’ve patiently installed piece by piece.

All this brought me back to a sense of safety, something I’ve been missing since it all started 2+ months ago. They reminded my body that I don’t have to wait for everything to fall into place to enjoy what’s already present. And how these little things are the ones that often offer comfort to your system. Not all the things that I supposedly need to have to fill every inch of my space.

The other day, my daughter suggested that we share before and after photos of our DIY projects, inspired by the posts we saw of others sharing theirs. This isn’t one of those posts. I’m not sharing what to do yourself to make your dream house come to life. Or what to invest in to make your home look or feel a certain way. My feeds have been bombarded by those the moment I started looking at some for inspiration. It reminded me of how easy it is to be influenced to want or do something just because it looked good, for others. How easy it is to be lost in that constant searching and romanticizing lives of others, forgetting in the process what truly reflects who we are and what we need. And more importantly, to realize that not everyone’s process of creating a home will (or should) look like mine.

As I reflect on this experience, there are many parts of it that reminded me of the healing journey that I would like to share. And hopefully I will be able to do so over time. But for now, this is what is present for me. Perhaps what we often don’t get to hear in this space.

That just like your home doesn’t need to be filled by everything that works for others, creating a consistent sense of safety within does not rest in the latest wellness tools available out there. The nervous system hacks, cathartic releases, breathworks or guided somatic practices, although those practices can be helpful when done with intention and guidance, rather than as a simple plug-n-play every time we feel anything.

Before we find out what is it we really need to create a safe space at home within and around us, take a moment to allow yourself to slow down and connect with what’s already there that feels truly yours. For me, it was in this moment of giving myself the permission to sit down and take in those cues of the safety that I’ve already created within and around me that my system remembers that I already feel safe at home here, in my body.

Whatever else I decide later that I may need can come from this deep sense of safety, of knowing myself. Knowledge can be a tool that helps guide us, but its true value comes from knowing what we’re looking for and how to use them in ways that feel right for us.