Pausing, noticing and being curious

In the past I would be quick to turn the judgement inward, toward myself for doing so, because it felt wrong. I once read that ‘when we judge others we’re really judging a disowned part of our own shadows’. So to turn the judgement towards my own shadows would only perpetuate that cycle.

Instead, I got curious. What was going on inside that’s bringing this part of me up in this moment? That’s when I noticed that my system was overloaded – my skin was burning from the heat, my nose was being ‘attacked’ by the constant smell of toxic sunscreen sprays that I avoid, and all I could hear was noise from kids running around, adults talking and announcements from the loudspeaker. For an introvert like me, this has always been uncomfortable. It made sense why my system was constantly scanning for cues of danger around me. And assessing people was one way my system has learned in the past to detect if I am safe. While intellectually I knew I was not in danger in this moment, but my nervous system doesn’t.

So instead of judging myself, I started looking for cues to soothe my nervous system. I brought my attention to the feeling of the ground beneath my barefoot sandals. I turned my gaze upwards to take in the clear blue sky (one of my favorite things) and caught sight of two hawks circling the field. I noticed the way they move, so effortlessly and gracefully. Slowly my body softened, and so did my breath. I gave myself enough time to take these sensory cues in. When I finally turned to face the crowd again, my awareness was no longer focused on everything and everyone around me. It was anchored inward. And just like that, I began to also notice the laughter and cheers for runners crossing the finish line. I was no

longer attaching stories to the people around me. They were just simply there, like me.

It still amazes me how simple and supportive this can be, because of the intelligence of our nervous system in relearning new patterns when we offer them a chance to, consistently. We don’t always need extensive exercises, or hacks or tools to reset our nervous system. The act of simply pausing to notice, to be curious, and to offer our attention to cues that we find supportive can often do wonders. Less can be truly more here.

My resources have always been blue sky, green trees or the beauty of nature. If I wasn’t alone, it would also be a gentle touch from my husband. It may be something else for you. Explore to learn what your resources could be. I invite you to try this in moments or situations when you find yourself feeling a little overwhelmed. You may not notice much at the beginning. But when we offer this new experience consistently, the results may amaze you too.

This experience again reinforced what I believe the work of supporting my nervous system is about. It doesn’t mean I will no longer be triggered, feel overwhelmed or dysregulated. Because I am only human, an imperfect and evolving one. But now I am able to catch myself, choose to pause and offer myself new ways of being rather than letting it run on autopilot programmed by past imprints.

That is what healing is about, for me. It may not always happen this way. But the probability of it happening now is increasing in my favor. And that’s progress.