I want to be your friend...

This quote came up twice for me today. First while I was going through the pages of Dr Aviva Romm’s Hormone Intelligence to read up on supporting perimenopausal symptoms (sleep has been evading me) and then again on my IG feed. It feels very serendipitous because I probably would not have seen this had I not decided to listen to what my body was asking of me today through all the symptoms and gave myself the permission to lay in bed and rest, even if it meant having to reschedule all my appointments and risk disappointing others (at least in my head).

The last few days have been rough, with allergy symptoms kicking in full force, taking away one of the things I enjoy doing the most – being outdoors. Coming home from a sound bath, hoping to feel relaxed only to find my whole body breaking out in hives (no thanks to the pollen in Folsom) and needing to pull out all the remedies I can think of to calm my system – it left me feeling frustrated. Because if I’m being honest, there is this little part of me always quietly wishing that every spring would be different, maybe just a little easier. I can feel tears welling up as I write this <pause>…I’m allowing them to come…

The same is true for my skin. With every flare up, there is this part of me that still says ‘again? what else do I need to do?’ The difference though, is now that part is no longer the loudest or the only voice I hear. Nor is it the one I try to ignore or feel ashamed of. But merely a part of me that I acknowledge is showing up, for however long it needed to.

As I was reflecting on what has helped me in supporting my skin issues, I believe that the shift in my relationship with my symptoms was at the core of it all. It was what helped me truly hear what my body was telling me, which guides me in knowing how to work with and care for my body, befriending it with love, understanding and respect, instead of fear and control (trying to fix it). This was only possible after I’ve started feeling safe enough to trust my body, not because everything was working or improving. But rather, in spite of all the symptoms showing up worse than ever. I remember holding my neck, covered in itchy, bumpy rashes that was keeping me awake at night last year, with my hands like I would a child. Offering it a gentle connection, as if letting my body know that it no longer needs to scream ‘cos I’m here, listening.

That took years of building my capacity to meet my body, as is, in a slow, steady and consistent way that felt possible for me. And it all started with the desire and willingness to slow down enough to listen, with compassion, to what my body has to say. As much as I would like to credit my resilience for that, I realized it wasn’t something I could have done all on my own. Rather the biggest shift came from being able to experience ‘safe enough’ connections with myself in the presence of another, who offered me not just guidance but a compassionate witness, before I could learn to offer myself the same.

So, whenever someone asks me where should they start to heal whatever it is they are struggling with, my response is… start wherever you are. Even when it is first coming from the desire to fix the symptoms, to find answers, or to solve the problems. Whatever it may be. Know your why and begin there. For me it was out of love for life, for others, and for myself, even when I didn’t know how then.

But go with curiosity and an open heart – to learn, to be challenged, to evolve. And trust that your body and heart know the way home…if you are willing to listen. Even if the path is not straightforward, is not easy, or if it takes time. And lastly, let others in, along the way. Those who may be there to guide you, hold you, or simply walk with you. Those who make space for you to learn what it means to feel safe in your own skin.